Ever get pissed at fictional creatures?

Vampires are pissing me off.

Vampires and James Bond villains.

First, the vampires. They are ruining it for every man ever. Has anyone noticed this? The entire world has been capitulated into a society of sexy vampires who can beat the hell out of anything. With the upcoming Twilight, those 187 billion fans of it who will no longer accept any man who doesn't sparkle.

Seriously, this goes back to Jane Austen. I blame her. Pride and Prejudice gave the world Mr. Darcy. Utter perfection in human form. But because of the passage of time (and the general acceptance of the satiation of inquiry) many women forgot who he was. Then Edward comes along.

Didn't vampires used to be either guys like Dracula, who is kind of evil, or Lestat, who is just as bad? Now we have hot men who don't wear shirts. And sparkle. True Blood is another one. If you haven't watched it, I suggest it. The vampire, Bill, is also perfect. But the girl isn't really sure what to do. That's another thing. I want to scream at her "DUMBASS, HE IS A VAMPIRE" and allow her to interpret how she wants it.

Secondly, Bond villains. I saw Quantum of Solace earlier today, and it made me mad.

Where are the good old days when they built big lasers on the moon? (If you haven't seen the movie, turn back now)

What is the new guys plan? He plans to steal all of the water in Bolivia.

I'll say that again. Bolivia.

The last Bond villain, of Casino Royale, wanted cash, not world domination. But he knew how to get cash effectively. This fucker acts like he started with world domination, then said "Eh, fuck it. Bolivia is good enough."

Bond villains. Stop doing this to me. Fire a laser at Bond's crotch.

This Bond however, does have a very cool death, which was itself worth the ticket price.

Still though. Bolivia?