Vampires are pissing me off.
Vampires and James Bond villains.
First, the vampires. They are ruining it for every man ever. Has anyone noticed this? The entire world has been capitulated into a society of sexy vampires who can beat the hell out of anything. With the upcoming Twilight, those 187 billion fans of it who will no longer accept any man who doesn't sparkle.
Seriously, this goes back to Jane Austen. I blame her. Pride and Prejudice gave the world Mr. Darcy. Utter perfection in human form. But because of the passage of time (and the general acceptance of the satiation of inquiry) many women forgot who he was. Then Edward comes along.
Didn't vampires used to be either guys like Dracula, who is kind of evil, or Lestat, who is just as bad? Now we have hot men who don't wear shirts. And sparkle. True Blood is another one. If you haven't watched it, I suggest it. The vampire, Bill, is also perfect. But the girl isn't really sure what to do. That's another thing. I want to scream at her "DUMBASS, HE IS A VAMPIRE" and allow her to interpret how she wants it.
Secondly, Bond villains. I saw Quantum of Solace earlier today, and it made me mad.
Where are the good old days when they built big lasers on the moon? (If you haven't seen the movie, turn back now)
What is the new guys plan? He plans to steal all of the water in Bolivia.
I'll say that again. Bolivia.
The last Bond villain, of Casino Royale, wanted cash, not world domination. But he knew how to get cash effectively. This fucker acts like he started with world domination, then said "Eh, fuck it. Bolivia is good enough."
Bond villains. Stop doing this to me. Fire a laser at Bond's crotch.
This Bond however, does have a very cool death, which was itself worth the ticket price.
Still though. Bolivia?
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5 comments:
Oh yes Voltaire, I yearn for big bad ferocious vamps; one that would just devour me and toss me, as they stroll through the night.
Tender vamp is way more scary-and sparkly-than I can describe.
JB is awfully sexy and even with a inane bad guy, I will just have to suffer. This is not "Octopussy", "Dr. No" or " To Russia With Love".
I have to admit that I am one of the millions of girls who read the Twilight series. I blame it on my former roommate, who worked at Barnes and Noble, thus being privy to the hot trends in the literary world. I admit that the Edward of my imagination was much hotter than the character in the movie (which I've yet to see, but plan on doing so). However, I was more attracted to the character of Jacob, who turns out to be a wolf, not necessarily a werewolf mind you, who is of Native American descent, has long hair, and is extremely passionate. Give me hot skin and passion rather than cold, sparkling tentative touches any day. Haven't seen the new Bond movie, heard mixed reviews. I'll wait until it comes out on DVD.
The whole thing with woman being attracted to vampiric characters is the danger. There is a huge difference between Stoker's dracula character than the vampires we are familiar with today, who can resist the temptation of human blood. After all, doesn't every woman want to be the one person who can make a man change for them, vampire or not?
Plus, Brad Pitt's playing of Louis made me horny for weeks. But, it doesn't take all that much to do that..
Under normal circumstances, I'd agree (Well, Brad didn't make me horny, so that's off a bit), but Stuart Townsend was just too damn good as Lestat in Queen of the Damned to be okay with "Interview". Admitedly, Tom was OK, but if I had to pick one of todays actors to fill the roll (of Lestat, at least), it would have to be Rufus Sewell.
Now what I'D like to see would be Anita Blake on film. But alas.
Mutherfucking censor. Won't let them do something as natural as describe a 10 inch long penis in detail.
And I could probably write an entire post on the Stoker Vamp vs. the Lugosi Vamp vs. the Rice Vamp vs. the Blake Vamp etc. etc. How a character like Dracula can be ousted by a movie character who is nothing like him, who even ousts a better version that's closer to the book.
(Stop rambling Greg. Just stop.)
I saw the Twilight movie. Overall, decent. Whoever cast the actors, not so great. I wondered if the movie's message of abstinence would curtail my urge to fuck Robert Pattinson or Kellan Lutz for that matter, but it only increased it.
Sigh.
Honestly, why the hell is everyone getting an abstinence message from it? The only reason Edward was abstinent is because his girlfriend is a 110 lb, 5'4" 17 year old human, and he's a 108 year old 11'5" vampire.
Seriosly, I heard one source say the title was promoting abstinence, telling you to wait until the "Twilight of your life".
And I found no attraction to Robert or Kellan (or Rosalie for that matter. Nikki Reed made me terrified to even think about her in "Thirteen") although Kristen has that....wide-eyed innocent thing going for her. And Victoria.
I liked the casting. I would've liked to see more done with Laurent though, because he's always been one of my favorites and Edi Gathegi nailed it.
The best scene, nay, LINE was without a doubt when Bella is about to introduce Charlie to Edward. FUNNY AS POO.
Damn Dr. Pepper.
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